Fortune Cookie

I ate dinner at my ex’s last night with the kids. He made some very yummy stir-fry, he jokingly asked me to bring fortune cookies so of course I did. Here’s what mine said:

Now is the time to set your sights high and go for it.

Wow. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. Call me crazy but I am taking this as an answer to a question I have had for a while now. Or you could call me stupid too for that matter….

If you don’t like the weather…

…wait 5 minutes and it will change.

Or maybe an hour…

Walking

I have been walking more lately. I hope it helps toward my goal of feeling better and being more energetic. Oh! I didn’t tell you about my challenge did I? Or maybe I did, my memory can be a funny thing. An old friend of my dad’s was in town a couple weeks ago. He is quite the funny man, I always enjoyed him being around. We were talking about losing weight, among other things. He and I ended up challenging each other to losing 30 pounds in a year. It’s actually a friendly competition to see who can get there first. Upon thinking about it I really only have 15 or 20 pounds to lose, more importantly I want to wear shorts and maybe a swimsuit without being mortified. So Princess and I, and Little Mommy when she’s here, are walking more. Today all total my cell phone (which happens to have a cool pedometer on it!) clocked me at walking 6676 steps today. Not bad! My average in the few weeks I have been monitoring is 4700 steps a day. I figure if I can get a good walk in every couple days I am bound to lose a little weight at a time. Did you know that 6676 steps equates to about 3.5 miles?! Cool huh?

So, wish me luck!

Word for the Day

When it seems humanly impossible to do more in a difficult situation, surrender yourself to the inner silence and thereafter wait for a sign of obvious guidance or for a renewal of inner strength.

Paul Brunton
Meditations for People in Crisis

The quote above was mailed to my inbox this morning. Maybe one of my mass quantity of readers probably understands the significance of the words in my life right now. I have been meaning to post about this for a while but I just don’t really have the words to explain just how heavy my heart is.

It all started last spring. Princess started having some stomach pain. More than stomach I guess it was aimed in the ovary area. I pretty much wrote it off for the most part. I chalked it up to puberty, stress, normal teenage girl stuff. The pain persisted, however, got pretty bad at one point. I finally took her into the doctor in about October. Our primary care physician found what ended up being an ovarian cyst on her right ovary. Princess when into surgery in the middle of January, pain still intense and persistent, only to find out that the cyst has resolved itself. What was causing the pain?

Fast forward to today. Princess didn’t want to go to school. Never mind the fact that she missed three weeks of school from this supposed ovarian pain. Never mind the fact that her third quarter grades include two F’s and two D’s. Never mind that after taking her to 4 more doctors there is nothing physically wrong with her. I sent her to school. Enough is enough. I am taking back my life. I am tired of my 15 year old daughter running my household. “Should I just die? Would that make everything easier?” was the text I got this morning once I got to work. No more walking on egg shells. I am taking her to a shrink, yes, but I am also going to instill consequences for being whiny. Consequences for throwing a fit when she doesn’t get her way. How old is she, 6? When she was that age and acted this way I spanked her.

I do see a pattern though. Her step-father and I split up in February of 2006. I started seeing my current boyfriend in March of 2007 and that’s when all this started. She swears up and down to me and to her doctors that she likes him. Is she lying? All she’ll tell me is that I care more about him and pay more attention to him. Sure, we’re still in the ‘honeymoon phase’ of our relationship but cut me some slack huh? I am finally in a relationship I am happy in. Trust me when I tell you it’s been almost 8 years since I could say that. Sure, all my attention was aimed toward Princess and Little Mommy for all those years. Sure, now that I am seriously involved with someone my attention is divided. Welcome to the real world where everything isn’t sunshine and rainbows. Where sometimes we don’t get everything we want handed to us on a silver platter. Where mommy, who is an adult with adult needs and desires, will look to get those needs and desires filled by another adult. “But I don’t like when you sit on the couch with him and put your hand on his leg, it makes me uncomfortable” but it’s okay when her boyfriend comes over and sits on the couch with her, under a blanket, and makes out with me, Boyfriend and Little Mommy around. Please. Just. Get. Over. It. Already.

Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seatbelts. Mommy is tired and is fast approaching her wits end. Please note that your seat can be used as a flotation device.

Well then…

Another one bites the dust

I washed my iPod. Again.

You’d think I would learn my lesson and empty my pockets before I put my clothes in the wash. I have washed my cell phone twice too. Oi.

The last time I washed my iPod I let it dry for a few days to no avail. My friend Greenwoman gave it Reiki for a little while then instructed me to plug it in. It worked! (I am hoping I can bribe her with promises of chocolate or something get her to come over and perform miracles again.) If this doesn’t work though I now have this:

This is my new phone. It came to me through rather interesting terms. Let’s see if you can follow along. I have four phones on my account; mine, Princess’s, my mother’s and my soon-to-be ex husband’s. My daughter wanted above phone but her account was not due for an upgrade. Mine, however, was. Off to the AT&T store where I pay $59.00 ($50 of which will come back to me via a rebate on a Visa card) for the latest and greatest of the Sony Walkman phones for the Princess. Her phone was in pretty rough shape so we decided to make good on the $5 a month insurance we keep on her phone and get a replacement sent in. Her Sony was the one just down from the one shown above. I figure I’ll get the replacement and have a newer phone. Mine really was archaic but who cares? All I need it for is being available to children and texting.

So this call happened Friday morning and by yesterday the replacement phone showed up. This is what I expected to get:

And since these phones are no longer produced (or something like that) I got the newer version. Ain’t it grand. So see. Washing my iPod was okay because now I can load just as much music onto my phone.

I’m still pissed about the iPod though…

I guess it’s all in how you look at it…

On Mondays and Tuesdays my alarm goes off at 6:30. Yes it is early (not as early as some people I know!) but at least it isn’t 6 like the rest of the week. I have been going to bed late; when Boyfriend is over we try to go to bed early but, well, let’s just say we never end up going to sleep at a reasonable hour and when he stays at his place with his son we are on the phone until all hours, much to Princess’s chagrin.

Anyway. I generally wake up about 15 minutes before my alarm goes off. Often I turn it off right before it’s due to go off so it doesn’t wake sleeping Boyfriend. This morning, however, being tired as hell from lack of sleep, I closed my eyes and decided to let the alarm wake me. The song that woke me was Beautiful Day by U2.  I laid there and listened to it for a while, it’s a great song.

It’s a beautiful day, the sky falls
And you feel like it’s a beautiful day
It’s a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away

I have spent a fair amount of time convinced that the glass is half empty. For the most part that’s just my personality. I actually realized this morning that it doesn’t have to be that way.

You’re on the road but you’ve got no destination
You’re in the mud, in the maze of her imagination
You love this town even if it doesn’t ring true
You’ve been all over and it’s been all over you

It’s a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away
It’s a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away

It really can be a beautiful day. But only if I allow it to be.

Beautiful Day

The heart is a bloom, shoots up through stony ground
But there’s no room, no space to rent in this town
You’re out of luck and the reason that you had to care,
The traffic is stuck and you’re not moving anywhere.
You thought you’d found a friend to take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand in return for grace

It’s a beautiful day, the sky falls
And you feel like it’s a beautiful day
It’s a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away

You’re on the road but you’ve got no destination
You’re in the mud, in the maze of her imagination
You love this town even if it doesn’t ring true
You’ve been all over and it’s been all over you

It’s a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away
It’s a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away

Touch me, take me to that other place
Teach me, I know I’m not a hopeless case

See the world in green and blue
See China right in front of you
See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light
See the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood all the colours came out
It was a beautiful day
A beautiful day
Don’t let it get away

Touch me, take me to that other place
Reach me, I know Iím not a hopeless case

What you don’t have you don’t need it now
What you don’t know you can feel it somehow
What you don’t have you don’t need it now
You don’t need it now, you don’t need it now
Beautiful day

To Pee or Not To Pee

You know that time, maybe 45 minutes or so before you are to wake up. It is so warm and cozy in bed and you were in the middle of a great dream, thankyouverymuch, and you wake up having to pee? Sheesh. Couldn’t this have waited another 45 minutes? Fuck!

I usually end up getting up, not very impressed mind you, and pee. And I’ll be danged if I never quite get back to sleep after that. That is so not cool…

Gin in my Apron Pocket

This is my first installment in the ‘Gin in my Apron Pocket’ series, started by the wonderfully funny woman Mom-O-Matic.

My series may be slightly different than other’s. I am starting the book ‘A New Earth’  by Eckhart Tolle. A good friend and wise woman sent all the people she knows the information from Oprah’s website regarding the free online class they are offering with Eckhart and his newest book. This is a 10 week online series discussing the book. We meet online every Monday evening at 6 to talk about one chapter of the book. Eckhart says A New Earth is about you. “It will change your state of consciousness or it will be meaningless” (p. 7). This woman that mentioned this to me I believe has already started me on a path of becoming more aware. Now I think it is time to take the next step.

Here I will be chronically my path with this book and the online course as my guide. I can tell you already I feel a little like a moron, my head is getting in the way far too much and giving me doubts that this will accomplish anything but I am trying to acknowledge that voice then let it go. Not easy for me to do at all.

I will also be trying to become more healthy. Less coffee, more water and infusions. Less fat, sugar and processed foods, more fruits, vegetables and whole grains. Maybe even a little less meat. More walking, less sitting on my ass on the couch. You get the idea. I don’t plan to join a gym or start a diet, I like ice cream far too much to diet. I just need to get in the habit of making better choices.

Sounds like a trip right?

Best Weekend Ever

And it really was, no exaggerating. Boyfriend and I went to the coast for the weekend. I reserved a room at a nicer (read: more expensive) hotel than what I would normally stay at. It has been time for us to get away for a while now. Between work, kids, exes, etc it really was time.

We got there Friday afternoon, a little later than I hoped as we took the long way. We got to the front desk and were informed that we had been upgraded from the studio with full kitchen to a one bedroom with full kitchen. All the rooms had a beach view so I wasn’t complaining. We had purchased the ‘Romance Package’ so there was a bottle of champagne in our refrigerator and we had vouchers for a dinner and a breakfast for the both of us.

Our room was comfortable, kitchen fully stocked and the champagne was in the fridge just as they promised. The first night we went to the top floor restaurant and had a wonderful dinner and when I ordered wine to go with my salmon I didn’t even get carded! (I look about 18, I am told, even though I am really twice that.) Next day was lounging in bed with muffins and coffee until noon, a nice walk on the beach and a trip to the Birkie store to buy me the most comfortable shoes know to womankind. We broiled up some steak in our room that night and had champagne brunch the next morning.

Even more than having a nice, quiet, relaxing weekend in a nice hotel was how I feel more connected to my boyfriend now. We even had an argument (he says it was just a heated conversation) Saturday night and still I feel as though no matter what we are in this together. We held hands, made out, goofed off; were together for 48 hours with no demands on our time. We know we need to do this a couple times a year to keep in touch with each other.

I just feel peaceful now.